Our son is deaf and that is okay.

Yes, Sammy is profoundly deaf, but he is not broken and certainly does not need to be fixed.   He is fearfully and wonderfully made by an awesome creator who does not make mistakes.  God knew what he was doing when he placed Sammy in our family.  Not only did He put amazing people in our paths to educate us about ASL and Deaf Culture, He also gave us a year to research raising a deaf child.  Sammy being deaf is not a mistake and neither is God's plan for him to be a part of our family.

We knew Sammy had a profound hearing loss in November 2010 when we chose to inquire about adopting him.  We knew this when we signed the papers promising to love him as our own.  We knew this as we flew half way around the world to bring him home.  Having an official diagnosis changes nothing!  We never expected him to come home and miraculously be able to hear.  He is our son and we love him.  Having a deaf son has done nothing but bring joy to our lives.  We are learning a beautiful new language and have met the most incredible people along the way.

 We had a year to research all our options.  We spent that year in constant prayer, exploring every option available for hearing amplification and language development.   We also took that time to explore Deaf Culture and start learning American Sign Language.   We have chosen to let Sammy decide when and if any interventions will be put in place to amplify his hearing.  His first language will be ASL.

Sammy didn't choose us, we chose him.  It is our responsibility to bend to his needs not him to ours.  He needs us to effectively communicate with him.  ASL is the easiest, most gentle, way for communication to progress rapidly.  He has had way too many changes in his short little life for us to try and force him into our hearing world.  That just isn't fair.   The few tests he's had done have brought on major regression.  We will not be pursuing  anything further until we are fully able to communicate what is happening to him.  Right now needs to be a time of healing and bonding.  A time to learn what it is like to be part of a family, to be loved, and to love in return.  That is what our focus has been and will continue to be until Sammy has attached to us.

I have spent the past month being raked over the coals for our decision not to intervene to make our deaf son "hearing."  For the record there is nothing that can or will ever make my deaf son hearing.  Cochlear Implants will give him sound and along with YEARS of intense therapy he MAY speak and hear well enough  function in the hearing world.  Hearing aides may be able to amplify what little residual hearing he has, but NO interventions will ever make him hearing, he will ALWAYS be deaf.   There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.  To insinuate that he is any less of a person because of his inability to hear is appalling.

I am so disappointed by the treatment we've received over the past year because of our decision not only to adopt but to adopt a deaf child with no intention to intervene and "make him hearing."  Every family is different.  What works for us doesn't work for everyone and that's okay.  God made us all different for a reason.  Just because we are choosing a different path than what some may feel is the "right" path doesn't give anyone the right to belittle our decision.  Those who have been the most vocal about cochlear implants and hearing aides have no experience with hearing loss.  Please educate yourselves on both sides of the issue before forcing you opinions on my family.

Sammy Update

I know it has been awhile since I've updated this blog.  Sorry!  Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year!!  I hope everyones holidays were great.  Life has been busy, crazy busy.  Five children is a wonderful blessing and a lot of work!

Sammy has been such a blessing.  He is adjusting wonderfully.  It's like he's always been a part of our family.  We have experienced very few issues and what we have seen have been more our issues, not his.  He is an early riser (like 5am early) which has been a HUGE adjustment for this night owl mommy. The others still sleep until 9am.  I'm really hoping he catches on to the family sleep schedule soon. Thank God for coffee, but I'm not sure even the amount I'm drinking can keep me going much longer.  Any helpful tips on how to get him to sleep later in the am?

When he first came home we thought he had a milk allergy, but it turns out it was Giardia (FYI other Shanghai families)  We treated him and he is doing great.  He can now have dairy and has grown so much. He is growing and thriving!  He weighed 19lbs in Guangzhou and  is now 24lbs!  He loves food and will eat almost anything.  He hates italian food which is totally funny given where his dad works, Carrabbas Italian Grill.  He still refuses to eat most cold things.  We finally got him to eat ice cream last week and it was like we were torturing the poor guy. He liked it but acted like it was fire in his mouth.  He was done after about 4 bites.  The big kids were happy to let him feed them the rest.  Raman Noodles is still his favorite food and tries to get us to make it for every meal.  I

He is really picking up ASL quickly.  He is scary smart.  I'm sure it won't be long before he knows more signs  than we do.  He mimics many signs and can understand most things I sign to him. He can follow simple directions and very clearly signs no when he doesn't like what we're telling him to do.  He and Malachi have gotten into a few silent arguments signing no repeatedly back and forth.  It is adorable watching them communicate and very peaceful.

Sammy has a very gentle spirit.  He is so very sweet and is always happy.   I can not wait to see what God has in store for our little guy.  Here's what I know you guys really want to see, pictures!  Unfortunately we had some technical issues with the computer recently so most of the photos are from my phone.  The next update will have better quality photos.

Family photo 2012

Addie and Sammy

Sammy's 1st time playing in the snow.

Handyman SAmmy

1st Christmas (sadly this is the only picture from Christmas because of computer problems)

Happy guy

1st time at the park

Shanghai Part 2

Here are some random pictures of our time in Shanghai.  Andrew took most of these pictures.  It was fun going through his pictures and see China from his perspective.  I think I may have him do a post on his experience.        

Lion are everywhere.

There were sculptures and art everywhere.  They really take pride in beautifying  their  city.  I'm not sure this can be said for all of Shanghai though.  We were in a very affluent area and they may have made a huge difference.  

A little park close to our hotel.  A few grassy areas and several ponds and waterfalls.

They use bamboo for everything.  Not sure I would feel safe standing on this.  

We saw several people carrying enormous load on bike and motorcycles.    I wish we would've taken a picture of one carrying water because it was amazing.  They load 10-15 5gal water bottles on a bicycle and manage to balance it perfectly.  

This was a frequent sight.  A large group of men gathered together for some card game.

Someone asked about street signs.

Danny and Andrew were fascinated by this building.  I'm not sure why, but since they devoted so much of our time at People's Park talking about it, I figured it was worth a picture.  

Shanghai Part 1

Shanghai was a lot of fun.  Sammy really didn't like being indoors,  so it was easy for him to be on the go.  Originally we were told we would have a guide our entire time in Shanghai but that wasn't the case.  Our guide was only available for adoption related appointments. We met another family there who adopted a 2 year old little boy from Sammy's orphanage.  We spent most of our time exploring Shanghai with them.  They also had their 3 year old daughter with them. She really liked Andrew, and I think having her there helped Andrew not be so homesick.

It was definitely an adventure.  Many people speak English but few speak it well.  The language barrier seemed more of a comic relief than a frustration.  The driving in Shanghai is terrifying and there are no seatbelts available.  Those who know me well know that we always wear seatbelts, and I'm a little crazy about carseat safety.  That being said we managed to cram 8 people into a cab each time we left the hotel. Each adult had a child on their lap.  We survived and there are surprisingly few accidents in China considering how aggressive they drive.

We visited a Buddhist temple, not sure which one, right as it was closing.  It was within walking distance to our hotel.  It was funny to watch people worshipping in this beautiful place with huge billboards and skyscrapers in the background.

The temple is in the background.  

Sammy wasn't used to walking a lot yet, so he hung out in his stroller and people watched.  

The next day we went to People's Park.  It is a beautiful place.

Andrew thought these were so cool

There was a Pixar event going on while we were there.  Disney characters were everywhere.  Malachi would have loved to see it. 

When we followed the signs to the Children's Park we found an amusement park.  We followed signs to the "playground" in hopes the kids could play and found an adult exercise area.

The Zoo was probably the highlight of the Shanghai for the kids.  It was huge, full of beautiful open areas, and lots of animals we'd never heard of before.

Andrew was  tired of having his picture taken, can you tell. 

Add caption

 It amazed me how clean and beautiful the city was.  The pollution was terrible, but the the city itself was very clean.  We did stay in a very affluent area that may have made the difference, but I was very impressed.  I had prepared myself for a lot worse.  I'll have to do two posts on Shanghai because I have way too many pictures.

The view from our room

Gotcha Day Pictures

We are home and everyone is doing well.    Here are some more pictures of Gotcha.  I will try and post pictures of our trip over the next few days.

Signing the paper work.

Here he comes.

Meeting Mommy

      

Meeting Daddy

Family Picture

Gotcha Day

Sammy is doing great. He came to us with a smile and has been happy most of the afternoon. We had a few tears this evening when we went to the lobby of the hotel and he saw other people. He adores Danny and tolerates me as long as I have food. He thinks Andrew is pretty cool. He loves to eat and man can this boy eat. We are having fun navigating Shanghai on our own. Aside from almost being run over 50 times and not speaking the language, we doing fantastic:)

We're here!

After 25 hours of traveling we made to our hotel last night around 10pm. Thanks for all your prayers. Our flight from The Springs to San Fransisco was HORRIBLE, but our iternational flights were awesome with no turbulence whatsoever. I much prefer flyin over the ocean to land now:) We found out last night we are sharing a guide with another family while we're in Shanghai. We just met them and they are very nice. They sre adopting a little boy from Sammy's orphanage. I'm sure it will be nice for him to have a familiar (maybe) face to see. We leave in one hour to go get him. I'm hoping I can figure out how to post pictures from my iPhone to my blog. Does anyone know? I hope to update with pictures next time.

Leaving for Shanghai

We leave at 7:30 tomorrow morning!!! I can't believe it is finally happening. Sammy will be ours Monday, October 10th at 9:30am (China time) YAY! I am hoping to access my blog from China so I can keep everyone updated. Please pray for safe travels, Sammy's transition, our very sad children we will be leaving home, and my wonderful mother taking care of them.

A Different Perspective

As we prepare to bring home our son next month I've been rereading a wonderful book, Adoption Parenting: Creating a Toolbox, Building Connections, our social worker recommended.  As I was reading I came across an adoption analogy by Cynthia Hockman-Chupp.  I feel the need to share it with you in hopes that you will better understand why we will be keeping things low key for a bit when Sammy comes home.  Our little guy's world is about to turn upside-down.  Please keep him, and all of us, in your prayers.

Imagine for a moment....

You have met the person you've dreamed about all your life. He has every quality that you desire in a spouse. You plan for the wedding, enjoying every free moment with your fiancée. You love his touch, his smell, the way he looks into your eyes. For the first time in your life, you understand what is meant by soul mate, for this person understands you in a way that no one else does. Your heart beats in rhythm with his. Your emotions are intimately tied to his every joy, his every sorrow.

The wedding comes. It is a happy celebration, but the best part is that you are finally the wife of this wonderful man. You fall asleep that night, exhausted from the day's events, but relaxed and joyful in the knowledge that you are next to the person who loves you more than anyone in the worldthe person who will be with you for the rest of your life. The next morning you wake up, nestled in your partner's arms. You open your eyes and immediately look for his face. But it's not him! You are in the arms of another man. You recoil in horror. Who is this man?

Where is your beloved? 
You ask questions of the new man, but it quickly becomes apparent that he doesn't understand you. You search every room in the house, calling and calling for your husband. The new guy follows you around, trying to hug you, pat you on the back. . .even trying to stroke your arm, acting like everything is okay. But you know that nothing is okay. Your beloved is gone. Where is he? Will he return? When? What has happened to him? Weeks pass. You cry and cry over the loss of your beloved. Sometimes you ache silently, in shock over what has happened. The new guy tries to comfort you. You appreciate his attempts, but he doesn't speak your language-either verbally or emotionally. He doesn't seem to realize the terrible thing that has happened...that your sweetheart is gone.

You find it difficult to sleep. The new guy tries to comfort you at bedtime with soft words and gentle touches, but you avoid him, preferring to sleep alone, away from him and any intimate words or contact. Months later, you still ache for your beloved, but gradually you are learning to trust this new guy. He's finally learned that you like your coffee black, not doctored up with cream and sugar. Although you still don't understand his bedtime songs, you like the lilt of his voice and take some comfort in it. More time passes. One morning, you wake up to find a full suitcase sitting next to the front door. You try to ask him about it, but he just takes you by the hand and leads you to the car. You drive and drive and drive. Nothing is familiar. Where are you? Where is he taking you?

You pull up to a large building. He leads you to an elevator and up to a room filled with people. Many are crying. Some are ecstatic with joy. You are confused. And worried. The man leads you over to the corner. Another man opens his arms and sweeps you up in an embrace. He rubs your back and kisses your cheeks, obviously thrilled to see you. You are anything but thrilled to see him. Who in the world is he? Where is your beloved? You reach for the man who brought you, but he just smiles (although he seems to be tearing up, which concerns you), pats you on the back, and puts your hand in the hands of the new guy. The new guy picks up your suitcase and leads you to the door. The familiar face starts openly crying, waving and waving as the elevator doors close on you and the new guy. The new guy drives you to an airport and you follow him, not knowing what else to do. Sometimes you cry, but then the new guy tries to make you smile, so you grin back, wanting to get along. You board a plane. The flight is long. You sleep a lot, wanting to mentally escape from the situation.

Hours later, the plane touches down. The new guy is very excited and leads you into the airport where dozens of people are there to greet you. Light bulbs flash as your photo is taken again and again. The new guy takes you to another guy who hugs you. Who is this one? You smile at him. Then you are taken to another man who pats your back and kisses your cheek. Then yet another fellow gives you a big hug and messes your hair. Finally, someone (which guy is this?) pulls you into his arms with the biggest hug you've ever had. He kisses you all over your cheeks and croons to you in some language you've never heard before.

He leads you to a car and drives you to another location. Everything here looks different. The climate is not what you're used to. The smells are strange. Nothing tastes familiar, except for the black coffee. You wonder if someone told him that you like your coffee black. You find it nearly impossible to sleep. Sometimes you lie in bed for hours, staring into the blackness, furious with your husband for leaving you, yet aching from the loss. The new guy checks on you. He seems concerned and tries to comfort you with soft words and a mug of warm milk. You turn away, pretending to go to asleep.

People come to the house. You can feel the anxiety start to bubble over as you look into the faces of all the new people. You tightly grasp the new guy's hand. He pulls you closer. People smile and nudge one other, marveling at how quickly you've fallen in love. Strangers reach for you, wanting to be a part of the happiness. Each time a man hugs you, you wonder if he will be the one to take you away. Just in case, you keep your suitcase packed and ready. Although the man at this house is nice and you're hanging on for dear life, you've learned from experience that men come and go, so you just wait in expectation for the next one to come along.

Each morning, the new guy hands you a cup of coffee and looks at you expectantly. A couple of times the pain and anger for your husband is so great that you lash out, sending hot coffee across the room, causing the new guy to yelp in pain. He just looks at you, bewildered. But most of the time you calmly take the cup. You give him a smile. And wait. And wait. And wait. 

Update

We received an update this week!

It looks like he's waving.

Sammy has grown so much since his last update.  He definitely looks more like a toddler now.  He weighs 20lbs and is 33inches tall.  He and Malachi are almost the same size, both itty bitty guys.  He looks so skinny, but I suppose it's because this is the first time we've seen him without 6 layers of clothes on.  I particularly like his pink shoes, although Danny was not quite as impressed.

We found out that Sammy started language training for deaf children in January.  He goes for 30 minutes, two time a week.  It doesn't say if they are teaching him Chinese Sign Language, it just says he understands simple gestures.  He wears hearing aides only during his training.  They won't allow deaf children to wear them full time until the children are old enough to care for the aides unassisted.

The update also said Sammy is a happy boy and very easy going.  He has a bad habit of biting blocks.  He apparently does this all the time.  Let's hope he only likes to bite blocks and will not use this habit on his siblings.  He is also not potty trained. The thought of going through another round of potty training is daunting.  Let's hope he's a quick learner.

We are on track to travel in October and have Sammy in our arms when he turns 3.  Our Article 5 will be picked up on the 29th then we wait for TA.  Wow, we can finally see the light at the end of tunnel.  Hopefully next time I blog it will be our itinerary.

Please continue to pray for our family.  As excited as we are to go to China, I am very nervous about leaving 3 of my babies behind. Addie is already struggling with the idea of us being gone.  Emma is just mad that she doesn't get to go.  Just so you don't think I'm a big meany, she was given the opportunity to go in January, she chose to stay home.  Malachi is fine and will be fine.  He probably won't even notice we're gone and that makes me happy and sad at the same time.  Andrew is nervous to fly for the first time and to be so far away from home.  Pray for Sammy, his world is about to be turned upside down and he hasn't a clue it's coming.  I also ask for prayers for my Mom and Aunt Cyndy.  They will be taking care of the 3 at home while we are gone.

Here's a picture of Andrew, Emma, Addie, and Malachi for those who asked.

LOA

We just got the call...LOA!!!!!  I can't tell you how exciting it was to hear it was finally here.  It took 44 days from LID to LOA.  We are praying for a quick TA.

We haven't gotten a new update on Sammy.  His orphanage is being very stubborn on releasing updates, and it is so frustrating.  The good news is now that we have LOA we can send him a package.  His orphanage is very good about giving the kids photos of their families.  Hopefully they will allow Sammy to keep his so he we might be familiar to him at gotcha.

Hopefully I will update this again soon with new pictures of our boy!

DTC

I'm hoping we will get an update next month with some new photos. We received an update in April.  Here is the latest picture of our sweet guy.  We are so happy to see him standing/walking unassisted.

Our dossier went to China on May 13th, and our LID was June 1st.   Progress, finally!  It feels like we waited so long to get to this point when, in reality, it has only been 5 months.  I just want to jump on a plane and go get him.  He has a home, a family who loves him.  The wait just plain stinks.  I hate that he will have to wait another 5 months to come home.

Waiting is hard, especially for me, since patience really isn't my strong suit.  I'm more of an instant gratification type of girl, but God is working on me.  He is using the adoption process to teach me  patience.

 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;  and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

Control also seems to be an issue for me.  I like to be in control, I love to be in control, and the lack of control over the timeline to China is really a struggle for me.  We have done everything we can on our end.  We now wait on China.  At least that's how I feel most of the time.  How quickly I seem to forget who is really in control, who we are really waiting on, God.  My God who loves me, must be working on something through this wait.  I have to constantly remind myself that it is not all about me, it is about Him.  His timing is always perfect.  I may not understand why, but I do trust that He is doing what is in everyones' best interests.

     Trust in the LORD with all your heart, 

      And lean not on your own understanding; 

        In all your ways acknowledge Him, 

      And He shall direct your paths. 

Proverbs 3:5-6

Please continue to pray for our Sammy, especially his health.  May God bless him with good health.    Our 2 year old, Malachi, has been sick with strep this week.  He has been miserable and in my arms 24-7 just wanting to be held.  As I comfort one son my arms also ache for another. When Sammy is sick, burning up with fever, does anyone comfort him?  Is he held? Loved?  I can't seem to wrap my mind around a world where babies are left to comfort themselves all.the.time. I lose sleep at night thinking of him alone, lacking in love and affection.  May the Lord make these next few months fly so we can finally be together.

Hurry Up and Wait

We are waiting, have been waiting for about a month, to get an update from Sammy's orphanage.  We received an update in December with pictures.  Here is a picture from that update.

We have also been blessed by another family with a child in Sammy's orphanage.  When she received an update of her daughter, our Sammy was in the background!  The internet is amazing.

Several people have asked for an update on our adoption and what the process actually looks like.   The past few months haven't been all that exciting.  We have been crazy busy with lots and lots of paperwork, training classes, meetings with social workers, and rushing to get all our documents notarized and turned into the agency.  Whew!  I am happy to say it is all done!  We had our USCIS fingerprints done yesterday, and now we wait for the approval.  Once we get our approval we will be DTC!

DTC, in the adoption world, means dossier to China.  We are hoping to be DTC by the end of April.  At that point our dossier (all our notarized and translated documents) will be off to China and we will be logged in.  After we get our LID (log in date) we wait for our LOA.  The LOA (letter of acceptance) is the approval we need to make Sammy ours.  Right now China has pre-approved us as his family, but they won't give acceptance until they have reviewed our dossier.  After we receive LOA we wait for our TA.  TA (travel approval) gives us permission to travel to China to get Sammy.  We have 90 days to travel from the date of TA.   Our agency told us that it usually takes about 5 months from LID to travel.  We are hoping to travel October 1-14 2011.  

Sammy

When people first hear we are adopting a boy from China they are a little surprised.  Most people assume only little girls are adopted from China, and that it takes years to bring them home.   While there is some truth to this assumption, it is not always the case.   Right now the wait for a healthy baby girl in China is about 6 years, however, there are hundreds of waiting children needing homes now.  The waiting children are considered special needs.  Their needs vary from mild to severe and some are even healthy, but older.

Sammy is considered a special needs child because he is deaf.  We began sign language classes in November and are learning ASL as a family.  It is an amazing, beautiful language and we can't wait to share it with our new son.

Here is the first picture we saw of him.  The picture that stole or hearts.  

Here is Sammy, please keep him in your prayers.  

Adoption

Danny first brought up adoption about four years ago.  I wasn't sure that was the direction I wanted our family to go, but contacted an agency anyway, mostly to pacify him.  We received the info and I told Danny I needed time to pray about it.  One week later we found out I was pregnant with our fourth, Malachi.  That was it.  God had decided for us.  I shelved the adoption idea, feeling our family was complete.  Little did I know that God and Danny had other plans.  

In September we visited a church whose guest speaker's sermon was on adoption.  A topic not foreign to me, but not part of my future either...or so I thought.   His message stirred my heart in a way I didn't think was possible.  I  found myself praying for orphans and asking God if maybe I had been wrong.  I soon found out that while I had closed the adoption door years ago, it had remained wide open for Danny.  In his mind it was just a matter of God's timing and the changing of my heart.  My wonderful, patient husband waited silently and prayed while God worked on my heart.  I am so thankful to my husband and his diligent prayers.  God changed my heart. 

 Through an amazing series of events God answered Danny's prayers.   He led us to our precious little boy,  Zheng Shaowei in Shanghai, China.  He turned two on October 17th.  We have decided to name him Samuel Shaowei, and the kids refer to him as Sammy.  We are hoping to bring him home before his third birthday.

Our God is good, always.  There is no doubt in my mind that this is his plan for our future. Please keep our family in your prayers as we endure this long paper chase to China.  It comforts me to know that the process is long to help insure the safety of the children, but my arms ache for my missing child.  Please pray for Sammy's health and safety while he waits.